Friday 14 November 2014

Teary Eyed

Surviving the Fight or Fighting to Survive

Teary Eyed


Well, slowly but surely everything on my to-do-list is getting done. Had to go to hospital with my little man last night but he is okay, it wasn't an emergency but I was tired of the doctors palming us off. He had had this cough for a couple of weeks, it got better but never fully went. The stupid walk in center said it was just a cold. Not sure I am going to trust them again. -.- Oh well, we are home now, he has been treated and we have medicine that will actually make a difference.

I have the doctors and the CPN today, the CPN to talk about my tablets and the doctors for a mental health review. I don't know what I am going to talk about with the doctor but I have a few things to talk to the CPN about. My new medication for anxiety, yes they are helping but they are also having undesired side effects. One is a bit personal and I won't go into that but I am getting so weepy. Not because anything in particular is making me teary, just getting spontaneously teary. I get that familiar lump in the back of my throat and I can't talk with out my eyes watering up and it is very embarrassing.

I tell you, I wasn't even this teary eyed in pregnancy! Apart from once, when I made s'mores and just as I went to put it in the oven the base of the cake tin fell through and onto the floor. Leaving a mound of my hard work splattered across the kitchen laminate.... I laughed, and then I started crying because I had always wanted to make them and also I was pregnant and wanted those darn sugar filled treats! I still look back and laugh at myself over that one, although I have not yet since made another attempt at s'mores.

But that incident, I can see why I got upset, why I wanted to cry, but I am getting that feeling at random points in the day. Can't find my keys? Feel like crying. Somebody says something nice to me? Feel like bloody crying. Forgot my college pass? Feel like f*ing crying!!! It's not even because I am upset or touched, I just want to cry all the time. I'm actually quite happy. So I'm sure it is this new medication because I sure as hell ain't pregnant. :D

So I don't think I will be on them any more after today, with the other side affects on top. Mirtazapine it is called. Just finished the normal trial of 2 weeks. So far, they are definitely not for me, I feel like a walking puddle of hormones! It's embarrassing but I can also see the humor in it thankfully.

Speak to you all soon guys, remember  Survive the Fight and Fight to Survive!


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