A Few Things

Surviving the Fight or Fighting to Survive

A Few Things

Hey guys, I know that I have already done a blog today but there are a few little things...
Just a quick shout out to children in need! Please donate your money! These services are invaluable and I have seen some of the services the charity funds myself. I have helped my baby boy raise £28 this week which I am quite happy with considering the nursery's takings last year were £112. Proud mommy. :)

Click here to donate! Children in need Donation Page

Also, I got a lot of work done today and I am starting to realize that I am capable of finishing this course, and finishing uni. Because yes, I have my drawbacks, depression, a bit lazy sometimes, and also a huge procrastinator who wont get anything done until she has to when it comes to school work. But I also have positives that other people don't, my class mates have been telling me that I am a hard worker, I'm intelligent, I am a good writer ect. So I guess I balance the playing field a little bit.

Been to the doctors and it was pretty useless but I am going to have some blood tests and she gave me some numbers to organisations that I can call to get some extra talking time whilst I am waiting for my Dialectic Behaviour Therapy (DBT). I will be going back in two weeks so hopefully she will have made some headway.

And the last thing, my page views are slowly but steadily increasing. I know some of those views are by some people who wish to harass be but hey, you're helping my numbers so go right ahead. :D Google just automatically puts your comments in the spam box anyway, good old google. But today so far I have had 72 page views. That amazes me! 72 people reading my blog in a day! Maybe this really will get somewhere and I will one day fulfill one of my life goals, to make certain subjects less taboo, because it is life after all, we don't need to shy away from it. Plus, surprisingly, when you are open, you will be shocked at how many people are then able to feel open too. I have seen it myself.

So please, please, I urge you, if you are reading this, try to be a little more open about your problems, about your past. You get respect, you get the favour returned, and you get given so many opportunities to help people, because you need to know to help and I have found that it leads to a much more fulfilling life! Remember,  Survive the Fight and Fight to Survive!

Teary Eyed

Surviving the Fight or Fighting to Survive

Teary Eyed

Well, slowly but surely everything on my to-do-list is getting done. Had to go to hospital with my little man last night but he is okay, it wasn't an emergency but I was tired of the doctors palming us off. He had had this cough for a couple of weeks, it got better but never fully went. The stupid walk in center said it was just a cold. Not sure I am going to trust them again. -.- Oh well, we are home now, he has been treated and we have medicine that will actually make a difference.

I have the doctors and the CPN today, the CPN to talk about my tablets and the doctors for a mental health review. I don't know what I am going to talk about with the doctor but I have a few things to talk to the CPN about. My new medication for anxiety, yes they are helping but they are also having undesired side effects. One is a bit personal and I won't go into that but I am getting so weepy. Not because anything in particular is making me teary, just getting spontaneously teary. I get that familiar lump in the back of my throat and I can't talk with out my eyes watering up and it is very embarrassing.

I tell you, I wasn't even this teary eyed in pregnancy! Apart from once, when I made s'mores and just as I went to put it in the oven the base of the cake tin fell through and onto the floor. Leaving a mound of my hard work splattered across the kitchen laminate.... I laughed, and then I started crying because I had always wanted to make them and also I was pregnant and wanted those darn sugar filled treats! I still look back and laugh at myself over that one, although I have not yet since made another attempt at s'mores.

But that incident, I can see why I got upset, why I wanted to cry, but I am getting that feeling at random points in the day. Can't find my keys? Feel like crying. Somebody says something nice to me? Feel like bloody crying. Forgot my college pass? Feel like f*ing crying!!! It's not even because I am upset or touched, I just want to cry all the time. I'm actually quite happy. So I'm sure it is this new medication because I sure as hell ain't pregnant. :D

So I don't think I will be on them any more after today, with the other side affects on top. Mirtazapine it is called. Just finished the normal trial of 2 weeks. So far, they are definitely not for me, I feel like a walking puddle of hormones! It's embarrassing but I can also see the humor in it thankfully.

Speak to you all soon guys, remember  Survive the Fight and Fight to Survive!