Curse of the Detainee

Surviving the Fight or Fighting to Survive

Curse of the Detainee

Hi again, I wrote a poem today that I thought you guys might like to read. I think that many of you might associate with it:

Curse of the Detainee

When everything is going right in your life

 But there's a pain that you just can't hide

A hurt that is waiting just behind

Those closed off deep blue eyes

When your dreams are  finally coming true

And there are people who are there for you

But still you can't help but feel alone

Like there is still nowhere to call home

You tell yourself you should be proud

You have succeeded in the things you've vowed

You've overcome the unspeakable

And you've reached what you have been told unreachable

You have held on to your dreams

You have allowed yourself to believe

You picked yourself up when all was lost

Carried on no matter the cost

You've lost the most precious thing you have

And fought to get it back

When most would give up all hope

But still you found a way to cope

But sometimes when it's quiet and black

You start to see the things you lack

The things that you will never be 

The things that you can't guarantee

The voices that won't give you peace

The hurt that just wont cease

And sometimes you feel like giving in

and letting your horrors win

You don't want to stand up tall

Just to be destined to fall

You know that things will just go wrong

Just like they have all along

You wonder if you will ever be free

From the curse of the detainee

Locked inside with the sentence unnamed

Nothing but lonely and ashamed

But still you fight for something more

To change the lives of those you adore

Because there must be a reason for you to exist

Something that you must have missed

So go on fighting to survive

Because again you will revive

You will not forever be

Controlled by the curse of the detainee

Jozilea Faulkner

Be the Change that you want to see

Surviving the Fight or Fighting to Survive

Be the change that you want to see

Hi guys, I know it has been a while since I wrote on here but I had to get away and clear my head, plus avoid some people until the dust had settled. Since separating from my long term partner, I have been trying to re-discover myself, try to seriously make something out of my hobbies/talents. 


One part of that was modeling. I started messaging photographers, and replying to casting calls. I hadn't met any photographers that I particularly trusted when I came across Rule the Runway UK . I applied, but didn't expect it to go far because I am only 5 foot 4 inches tall and have no experience. I did it anyway, because it's my dream and also because it is a charity event in aid of raising mental health awareness and raising money for Birmingham Mind.

My photo from the audition. 

But I got a casting call! So I went, nervous and anxious as hell, but I had the support of my best friend who also applied after I told her about it. So I walked the walk, answered their questions and came away feeling pretty positive and very excited.

The voting photo.

Then I got through! After fidgeting the entire of the following day, picking up my phone, trying to distract myself hopelessly, they called to tell me the good news. Out of hundreds that applied, I was one of the 20 girls that they wanted in the show! ME! Just little old me. I did it! I couldn't believe it.

We had our photo shoot for the voting stage of the competition on sunday. Having hair, and make-up done, it was manic and hectic and at times not going to plan and there was a lot of waiting to be behind the camera for all of about 3 minutes but I absolutely loved every moment! Whilst people were getting agitated and frustrated, I reveled in it. It all felt so surreal. Like I was dreaming, I swear I actually pinched myself a couple of times.

The photo's went up online for voting to start yesterday and my eyes popped out of my head and my mouth hung open when I realised that they used MY face for the cover! ME! I can't believe it I really can't. And they have used my photo for their website.

It just goes to show, that even if you don't think you are beautiful, somebody else will. Whether it's your mom, your boyfriend, your kids, or a complete stranger. You are beautiful to somebody, so just be yourself, because if you try to change to make others happy, then you will always be changing. You will never make everybody happy.

I'm trying to be the change I want to be. Allow myself to do the things I have always been told I couldn't do or didn't believe I could achieve. I want to be able to get to a place where I am happy with who I am. So I'm surviving the fight and fighting to survive. Just like the rest of you. x

Click HERE if you wish to vote for me. You can vote once per day, per IP address. :)